i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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