I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
