i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
