You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
