im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
