i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
