Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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