i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
