I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
