i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
