the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
