I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
