College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
