I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
