Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
