some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize