glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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