DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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