hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
3 2 1 whiskey
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
