He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
