Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
