I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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