I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
