craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
