hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
