He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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