Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
