I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
