I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
