My nipple is on Facebook.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
