If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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