dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
