is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize