but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
