Can Purell be used as lube?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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