I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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