I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just googled if crying burns calories
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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