DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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