how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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