can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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