Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
