I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
