You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
