so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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