We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize