Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
