i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
