I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
