i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
