How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
