i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
