I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
