i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
