It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I AM VODKA MAN
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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