i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
