i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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