that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
