walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
