Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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