The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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