then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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