I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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