Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
