i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
high people should be assigned attendants
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
