when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
