when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
