just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize