Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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