i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
