My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
