you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize