It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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