I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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