Just cropdusted the office
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
