I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
