Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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