WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
