My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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