I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
