I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
