why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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