Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
