Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
