i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
