I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
