she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
