Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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