don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
