Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
