Small penises have feelings too.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
