i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
