Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize