I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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