I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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