Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize