i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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