fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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